Lord I Am Not Worthy

As I was getting to know the other visitor to the Secular Carmelites, he told me that he would pray for me.  At first I didn't know what to say.  My first thought was "Please don't".  I would rather have him pray for someone who is truly worthy and in need of his prayers.  Anyone but me.  There has been more than a few times that God has laid his hand upon me and picked me up after a fall.  I am most grateful for his aid and feel blessed that I was given his assistance.  But to have someone pray for me is like asking God for something that I don't deserve.  In the end, though, I simply said thank you.  It would have been uncharitable for me to refuse this unsolicited gift from a person I barely knew.  And as with all things it reminded me that we must take everything to God, even if we want nothing from it.

Love at First Sight

Saturday was my first meeting with the Secular Carmelites.  This was the first time that I had ever been to a monastery and seen cloistered nuns.  I felt like I was on the wrong side of the bars and should have been on the cloistered side, but at this point in life it's not an option.  Everyone in the secular group was so filled with the same love that I have for Jesus.  It was sad when the three hours was over and I had to leave.  I would have stayed all weekend if I could have.  The wait until August to begin my Aspirancy seems like an eternity away.  Until then I will continue on with my own personal journey toward loving God to the best of my ability.   

Mission from God

For the past few weeks I've been discerning over whether to join the Secular Carmelites.  My answer has been complete silence.  I've spent hours and hours in prayer hoping for something, anything that would tell me what God wanted me to do.  Today I got my answer.

Beginning Holy Week I began my commitment to going to daily Mass.  Normally I go to Mass at noon because I like my sleep, but I have decided to go to early Mass this morning.  I was tired and not at all thrilled to be out of bed before 7:00 a.m.  God was gracious and didn't strike me with lightening for complaining about Mass being so early which I'm very thankful for.  As Father was saying Mass the same phrase jumped out at me several times.  "Pray for those who have no one to pray for them."

Even now I get chills and tear up just thinking about it.  It is such an intense feeling that I want to shout for joy and scream all at the same time.  It seems like such an impossible task to pray for those who have no one to pray for them.  There are so many lost and lonely souls that I wonder how my tiny prayers could be any effect.  But if praying for them is what God wants me to do, that is what I'm going to do.

Prayer for Adopting a Dying Soul


O MOST MERCIFUL JESUS, lover of souls,

I beseech Thee, by the agony of Thy most Sacred Heart,
and by the sorrows of Thine Immaculate Mother,
wash clean in the Thy Blood the sinners of the whole world
who are to die this day.

Remember most especially the soul I spiritually adopt
with the intention of entrusting him or her to Thy Shepherd's care:
I beseech Thee for the grace to move this sinner, who is in
danger of going to Hell, to repent. I ask this because of my
trust in Thy great mercy.

If it should please Thy Majesty to send me a suffering this day
in exchange for the grace I ask for this soul, then, it, too,
shall please me very much, and I thank Thee, Most Sweet Jesus,
Shepherd and Lover of Souls; I thank Thee for this
opportunity to give mercy in thanksgiving for all the mercies
Thou hast shown me. Amen.

Heart of Jesus, once in agony, have mercy on the dying.