May 28, 2011

Lord I Am Not Worthy

As I was getting to know the other visitor to the Secular Carmelites, he told me that he would pray for me.  At first I didn't know what to say.  My first thought was "Please don't".  I would rather have him pray for someone who is truly worthy and in need of his prayers.  Anyone but me.  There has been more than a few times that God has laid his hand upon me and picked me up after a fall.  I am most grateful for his aid and feel blessed that I was given his assistance.  But to have someone pray for me is like asking God for something that I don't deserve.  In the end, though, I simply said thank you.  It would have been uncharitable for me to refuse this unsolicited gift from a person I barely knew.  And as with all things it reminded me that we must take everything to God, even if we want nothing from it.

May 23, 2011

Love at First Sight

Saturday was my first meeting with the Secular Carmelites.  This was the first time that I had ever been to a monastery and seen cloistered nuns.  I felt like I was on the wrong side of the bars and should have been on the cloistered side, but at this point in life it's not an option.  Everyone in the secular group was so filled with the same love that I have for Jesus.  It was sad when the three hours was over and I had to leave.  I would have stayed all weekend if I could have.  The wait until August to begin my Aspirancy seems like an eternity away.  Until then I will continue on with my own personal journey toward loving God to the best of my ability.   

May 11, 2011

Prayer of Peace by St. John of the Cross

O blessed Jesus, 
give me stillness of soul in You. 
Let Your mighty calmness reign in me. 
Rule me, O King of Gentleness, 
King of Peace.

May 9, 2011

Oh How I Adore Thee Lord

Today I went to Eucharistic Adoration for the first time at the Cathedral.  In the past Eucharistic Adoration has been the 5 or 10 minutes that I could squeeze in before I had to go to work.  That small amount of time never allowed me to spend time adoring our Lord like he deserves.  Now that I am temporarily out from under the obligations of work (ie unemployed) I have been spending that time attending in the presents of our Lord.  I am fortunate to live in a town that has several Catholic churches and a monastery, so I have a nearly daily opportunity to spend time with the Lord.

I thought that after several weeks of going to Eucharistic Adoration my "school girl crush" would settle into a routine affection.  Instead it seems to be getting worse.  Every time I go before the Eucharist, I want to giggle and squeal as if the cute boy just said hi to me in the hallway at school.  My hour (or longer) with the Lord lifts my heart and makes my whole day seem a little bit brighter.  And then I can't wait until the next time to do it all over again.

Prayer to the Eucharistic Heart of Jesus

Heart of Jesus in the Eucharist,
I adore You.
Sweet Companion of our exile,
I seek You.
Holy God become man,
I beat with Your Heart.
Eucharistic Heart of Jesus,
solitary, abandoned,
humiliated, cursed,
despised, outraged,
ignored by men,
have mercy on us.
Lover of our hearts,
pleading for Your beloved,
patiently waiting for us,
eager to hear our confidences,
desirous of our devotion,
have mercy on us.
Heart of grace,
silent and wishing to speak,
Refuge of the hidden life,
Sharer of the secrets of union with God,
Eucharistic Heart of Jesus,
have mercy on us.
Jesus, Victim, I want to comfort You.
I unite myself with You.
I offer myself in union with You.
I count myself as nothing before You.
I desire to forget myself and think only of You,
to be forgotten and rejected for love of You,
not to be understood, not to be loved, except by You.
I will hold my peace that I may listen to You.
I will forsake myself in order to be lost in You.
Grant that I may quench Your thirst for my salvation,
Your burning thirst for my sanctification,
and that, being purged, I may give You a true and pure love.
I no longer want to deny Your expectations.
Take me. I give myself to You.
I entrust to You all my actions and thoughts -- my mind, that You may enlighten it,
my heart, that You may fill it,
my will, that You may establish it,
my soul and body, that You may feed and sustain them.
Eucharistic Heart of Jesus,
Whose Blood is the life of my soul,
may it no longer be I who live,
but You alone Who lives in me.


May 8, 2011

Mother of Us All

Today is Mother's Day.  I couldn't be more blessed being both a mother and a daughter.

To my child who always keeps me on my toes, but is there with a ready hug when I need it.  I love you.

To my physical mother, who gave birth to me and raised me on her own I say thank you and I love you.

To my spiritual mother, Mary, the mother to us all, I am thankful when you are there for me when my physical mother can't be.  I am thankful for your powers of patience and compassion.  But most of all I'm thankful for your strength.  I imagine that being the mother of God is an easy task, but then remember all the pain you must have gone through when your only child was drug away, beaten and crucified.  I could never have been in your place.  Thank you for all that you do and I love you.


Please remember those whose mothers have gone to your loving arms may they be blessed with knowing that you have given them your own mother as theirs.

Please remember those who have never known their physical mother and now yearn for her.   Let them know their spiritual mother who will comfort their sorrow and tears.

Please guide those women who have recently become mothers through natural birth or adoption.  Let them be filled with the compassion, mercy and strength of your own mother.

Please protect those who are separated by war, illness or disagreement.  May they be comforted in there loss and soon reunited.

For all mothers, along with their daughters and sons, may they be blessed with joy and happiness this Mother’s Day. 


May 6, 2011

Mission from God

For the past few weeks I've been discerning over whether to join the Secular Carmelites.  My answer has been complete silence.  I've spent hours and hours in prayer hoping for something, anything that would tell me what God wanted me to do.  Today I got my answer.

Beginning Holy Week I began my commitment to going to daily Mass.  Normally I go to Mass at noon because I like my sleep, but I have decided to go to early Mass this morning.  I was tired and not at all thrilled to be out of bed before 7:00 a.m.  God was gracious and didn't strike me with lightening for complaining about Mass being so early which I'm very thankful for.  As Father was saying Mass the same phrase jumped out at me several times.  "Pray for those who have no one to pray for them."

Even now I get chills and tear up just thinking about it.  It is such an intense feeling that I want to shout for joy and scream all at the same time.  It seems like such an impossible task to pray for those who have no one to pray for them.  There are so many lost and lonely souls that I wonder how my tiny prayers could be any effect.  But if praying for them is what God wants me to do, that is what I'm going to do.

Prayer for Adopting a Dying Soul

O MOST MERCIFUL JESUS, lover of souls,
I beseech Thee, by the agony of Thy most Sacred Heart,
and by the sorrows of Thine Immaculate Mother,
wash clean in the Thy Blood the sinners of the whole world
who are to die this day.

Remember most especially the soul I spiritually adopt
with the intention of entrusting him or her to Thy Shepherd's care:
I beseech Thee for the grace to move this sinner, who is in
danger of going to Hell, to repent. I ask this because of my
trust in Thy great mercy.

If it should please Thy Majesty to send me a suffering this day
in exchange for the grace I ask for this soul, then, it, too,
shall please me very much, and I thank Thee, Most Sweet Jesus,
Shepherd and Lover of Souls; I thank Thee for this
opportunity to give mercy in thanksgiving for all the mercies
Thou hast shown me. Amen.

Heart of Jesus, once in agony, have mercy on the dying.